Wind and Political Green News: Part 2

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Overall Segment #2 – 12:00

Welcome back to the GGHS

Today’s Topic – 8:00 Sponsored by: Suntrust Mortgage of Christiana

Political Golf Tournament

V: Good morning to all you golf fans out there and welcome to the first Quadrannual Metaphoric Environmental Invitational at Sawgrass. I’m Vern Pompousass with my on-course colleague Tom Blusterhard. How are you today Tom?

T: Thanks Vern, I’m well and I’m really looking forward to today’s match. This is a new event on the tour and the invitees are members of a rather small club. Today we have this year’s celebrity golf host Willie Nelson, (who is not related to Byron Nelson, for those of you who were wondering), along with the three remaining presidential candidates: Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama and John McCain, all competing for your vote. The object, just as with any other tournament, is to get around the course in fewer strokes than your opponent. The big difference is that there’s only one hole and the hazards here today are just a little bit different than what you may be used to.

V: That’s right Tom. And right out of the gate, you can see some of the fundamental differences between our players. Willie Nelson and Barak Obama will be riding together in a bio-deisel fueled golf cart and John McCain and Hilary Clinton are riding together in a gas-electric hybrid cart, and I see that they are arguing already about who is driving and in what direction. Now, to the best of my knowledge, Willie knows crap about golf, but McCain is seventy years old, so they’ll both be playing from the senior tees and should offset each others handicaps pretty well. That leaves the democrats to whoop each other into a frenzy, so it should be a great match!

T: Okay let's join our foursome on the first tee. This first hole is a tricky one. It’s a 605 yard par five, political dogleg to the left with several traps in play off the tee. There’s an ethanol trap on the corner and severe economic rough on both sides of the fairway, not to mention a healthcare mess that’s just waiting to eat them alive. The second shot will find them faced with a renewable energy bill trap on the right, and slight windpower debate on the left. If any of them chooses to go for the green in two, they’d better be on the mark, because they’ve got a serious immigration problem just to the left of the green and the deepest war bunker I’ve ever seen that lurks out in front of the green that wraps all the way around the right side of the green and doesn’t stop until the middle of the back of the hole. I’m anxious to see how these pros handle this hole Vern.

V: Well Tom, I see Hillary consulting with her caddie Bill... Bill’s been playing this game a lot longer than Hillary and it appears he’s trying to give her the benefit of his experience. He seems to be making some sort of gesture, yes he's choosing her ball… looks like he's got his eye on one of two balls... and it appears he’s handing her an Entitlement 3. I suspect he’s chosen this ball because it will allow her to avoid the ethanol trap, but unfortunately, it probably won’t help her get much closer to the hole. In fact, she could very well end up in the economic rough all down both sides of this hole, and trust me, you don’t want to be in there. You could get swallowed up and never get out of that rough. Just ask last years last place finisher - George W.

T: It's the safe play Vern. By not dealing with the ethanol trap, she may gain a few votes, but I think it’s short-sighted, because she’ll surely lose votes by taking extra strokes and she may lose more than she gains in that rough economy that somehow seems to be looming everywhere. Just ask John McCain, who tends to push most of his shots to the right, but is also known to occasionally hook one left.

V: How right you are Tom. Well… here’s her shot… The shot starts down the middle, but has a high draw and oooh settles in the left economic rough, right behind the healthcare mess. I’m not sure there’s any way around that one Tom.

T: That remains to be seen Vern. I suppose it’s possible that she could try to hook the ball around the healthcare mess with that gas tax relief 2 iron (that she’s always pulling out of her you know where) and get back into this game, but that’s a very low percentage shot... and while I hate to say “I told you so”… I told you so.

Let's see how Barak Obama handles his tee shot... looks like he's lining up to go straight over that trap, if he can carry it that far… you know, he hasn’t been playing that long and he’s not necessarily the strongest guy out there, although he’s already developing a reputation as a guy who has an answer for everything... he appears to have no fear Vern.

V: How exciting this is! Every other candidate has dodged this trap and here's this young man ready to take it head-on. You know, it’s remarkable how good his swing looks for someone who hasn’t been at this for all that long… Barak’s shot is also starting down the middle and is moving slightly left. Oh no, it’s headed right for the ethanol trap and oooohhhh, it goes right in. Well, we’ll see if Obama’s got this shot in his bag and can get out without too much damage. With one swing he can make a real statement about the environmental impact and the costliness of our ethanol policy.

T: Okay let's see how John McCain handles the hole... looks like he's pulling out all the stops, what an aggressive move at the first hole... he’s pulled out an enormous club. I’m not sure I've ever seen a club that big before Vern.

V: What would you call that Vern? Is it a driver?

T: I think so Vern. It's got something stamped on the side. I’m going to see if I can get a little closer so I can read it while he's warming up. It appears to read “Thanks for the memories - GWB”. That thing is enormous! If he catches this one he should be able to take the ball and blast it clear past that trap without ever having to deal with it... ok, he's addressing the ball... he’s taking a huge backswing and ohhhh he missed it completely... oh boy… that’s gonna leave a mark... I'm not sure if they have mulligans in this tournament, but if they do now’s the time to take it...

V: What a tremendous whiff that was... it’s a good thing he wears depends, because I’m pretty sure he soiled himself on the follow-through... He appears upset Tom, what is he saying?

T: It’s not pretty Vern. He shocked everyone including himself with that whiff, but the string of epithets that he let fly after he missed the ball has everyone around the tee box looking at their feet and putting the earmuffs on their kids. I don’t think that’s going to win him any extra votes.

V: Well you can’t be too surprised Tom... he was a Navy man after. He always did cuss like a sailor. What are our other two candidates doing over there Tom?

T: Well Vern, as you’d suspect, they’re both biting their lips so as not to further embarrass the Senator. In fact, I see blood trickling down Obama’s chin. OK, it looks like McCain’s wife and caddie are consoling him... she seems to be calming him down and getting him ready for his second shot... Originally the Senator’s wife was going to be his caddie also, but she couldn’t lift the bag and they were concerned she might break a hip so they opted for someone a little younger, 59 year old fellow Irishman, Fluff McGowan. I think McCain thought he was going to be able to bypass this first ethanol trap, but I think he's now going to have to deal with it just like everyone else... He’s replaced the gigantic driver in the bag and he’s pulling out a 2 iron, just to keep the ball in play.

V: What’s going on with Willie Nelson Tom?

T: Well Vern, someone told him it was his shot and so he tipped back a half a glass of Jack Daniels. I don’t think golf is Willie’s game Vern. Alright, McCain has finally hit his tee shot and it’s landing in the fairway but well short of the corner. He’s still going to have to deal with every hazard on the hole from there Vern. OK, here comes Willie. He’s handing out what look like Brownies to all of the fans surrounding the first tee. He’s warming up, but unfortunately, he's facing the wrong way... ok, his caddie's finally got him turned around... nice looking practice swing... he’s loose Vern. There's the backswing and a nice smooth follow-through... wow… he’s hit that well… and it looks like Willie’s over the ethanol trap and the corner and is safely into the fairway... and well on his way to scoring a birdie on this first environmental hole...

V: Yes and I think it's been a very exciting start to this tremendously important tournament. And while we’re waiting for the players to get to their balls, I think we need to thank our sponsors, you the people. Remember, no matter how our contestants finish today, ultimately, you have to choose the winner. Don’t be fooled by fluff, like commercials… and remember... the follow-through is more important than anything else. Ok, it looks like Hillary Clinton has found her ball, but it’s in a place where the whole entire Healthcare debaucle is directly between her and the hole.

T: And as if that’s not enough Vern, her caddie is unavailable to help her determine a course of action. It appears he has disappeared in the woods with the beer cart girl and is more concerned with getting his own action. She’s apparently decided to try and go right through the healthcare mess and hope she comes out unscathed. I’ll be honest Vern, I don’t like this play. She’s in enough trouble already and don’t forget, she tried this once in the 90’s without much success.

V: I don’t think anyone will forget that Tom… let’s just hope she’s gotten better since then. A repeat of that one could spell the end of any level of competitiveness she has left. She’s lining up and here’s her shot… oh my! It’s come down smack dab in the middle of the healthcare mess!

T: And to add insult to injury, she’s got a horrible lie Vern. It appears to be lying right in between a gnarly clump of single-payerr ugliness and the untenable additional tax burden! Unless she can pull off a miracle shot, this tournament is over for her. And here comes her caddie. I heard he was quick, but wow!

V: Looks like John McCain is still cursing as he makes his way down the fairway. Can you hear what he’s saying Tom?

T: Yes Vern, and suffice it to say I can’t repeat any of it. Good gosh, he could make a Blackwater beach boy blush Vern.

V: And I’ll bet he has... What’s he got Tom?

T: He’s still 400 hundred yards from the hole and he’s pulling out a seven iron Vern. I think at this point, he’s just trying not to lose. I guess he feels that with Hillary in the middle of a healthcare mess and Barak planted firmly in the ethanol trap, he thinks if he just plays it safe, he has a shot. And he’s playing for the middle of the fairway just past all of the hazards on the corner of this dogleg. Uh oh, it looks like he’s flirting with the economic rough on the right… oh, he got a great bounce and the ball’s sitting up on the right side of the fairway.

V: Meanwhile, Barak is trying to figure out the best way to get out of the ethanol trap. If he can pull this off, he’s got a great chance to win this contest. He’s arguing with his caddie, The Reverend Wright, and it looks like they disagree on how to approach this.

T: Yes Vern and I’m not sure that his caddie isn’t doing him more harm than good right now. Reverend Wright has been his caddie for many years, but lately they just can’t seem to agree on much. Oh my goodness! Vern, I think Obama just fired his caddie in mid-tournament. Wow!!! I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before. Reverend Wright has dropped Obama’s bag and is walking off the course! The only saving grace is that Obama’s a smart man and based on their recent disagreements, he may actually be better off without his caddie. He’s pulled out what appears to be a five iron. I’m not sure that’s going to get over the huge lip on this ethanol trap... I’ll tell you Vern… If Obama can pull this off, he’s got a great chance of winning.

V: I couldn’t agree more Tom. He’ll really gain some support if he can get out of this trap and put himself in the fairway where he has a shot at getting on the green in regulation. I shouldn’t still be shocked at good he is for someone who hasn’t been playing the game for long, but I am.

T: Obama is ready to hit. Holy baseball Batman! He’s done it! He’s pulled off the near miracle shot and the ball has landed in the fairway, just over a hundred yards from the hole!!! What a shot!

V: Yes it was Tom, and might I say, it would appear that Barak has made a wise decision in getting rid of Wright. By the way Tom, who designed this hole?

T: Well the hole was originally designed by Harry Truman, which is why they refer to this as the “Hell Hole”, but the Economic Rough was put in by Ronald Reagan in the 80’s and the environmental hazards were put in by Al Gore, just a few years ago. He’s been banging out environmental design for several years now and show’s no sign of slowing up.

V: What’s going on with Willie? He appears to be heading back to the first tee.

T: You’re right Vern. His caddie, Robert Downey Jr, left the Jack Daniels on the tee box and Willie is heading back there, officially forfeiting any chance he had of staying in this tournament… although I’m pretty sure Willie doesn’t really care. You know, I read just this morning that Willieness is next to Godliness.

V: Oh my, was that lightning? It’s suddenly beginning to rain very hard. Oh boy… they’ve just sounded the horn, so our players will have to leave their balls right where they are and we’ll have to continue after the rain delay.

Today’s Tips – 3:00 Sponsored by:<


Green Organic Gardening Tips:

Weeds no more the Organic Gung Foo

  1. Use weed free mulches...options...leaves, straw, grass clippings,...
  2. Apply corn gluten.... this non-toxic plant-based herbicide is a byproduct of corn processing that kills germinating seeds and also provides nitrogen to the soil. It’s a good option for transplants but not with direct seeded plants. You can get it at garden supply companies.
  3. Let your garden goes stale: “Stale Bedding”.. is a good option for direct seeded plants. You let a garden bed goes stale the same way you let bread goes stale: just let it sit there. Then water the bed and when a crop of wheat seedlings emerges kill them with a flame war year, which is data be a lot of fun.... or use a cultivating how creating the least soil disturbance possible your goal is to exhaust the weed seeds in the top inch or so soil without bringing new seats to the surface to cultivate the soil shall we, two or three flushes of the weed should be enough to exhaust the Weeds deposits in the uppermost soil.
  4. Burn those weeds. Flame weeding, commonly used by organic farmers, uses propane gas burners to produce a carefully controlled and direct inflame that seers the leaves causing the weed to wilt and die. Try to flame the weeds a couple of times before you plant your seeds... and just before your seeds begin to show try to hit one more time....
  5. Invest in good tools: as soon as the crop is up switch to cultivating tools such as the lightweight winged weed here or the Garden weasel which has wheels with prongs that make it easy to turn up soil. Like many cultivating hose these tools work on the principle of getting the weeds when their small ideally in their infancy, again ideally just as there are sprouting their first white root....
  6. Identifying weeds: University of California integrated pest management at www.IPM.UCDavis.EDU or go to .... and for alternative pesticides or alternatives to pesticides, go to they have organic methods for handling garden problems and detailed information on health risks associated with herbicides

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